Glow Sadie Glow!

It was an eventful afternoon yesterday with the pediatrician. I can honestly say it's been a roller coaster of emotions since then, and I've been short on time today for various reasons.

Here's a brief recap of the appointment:
Sadie's weight: 5 pounds, 12 ounces [this puts her at about a 10% loss of her weight from her 6 lbs., 8 oz. birth weight]
Color: Yellow-The doctor ordered a biliruben blood check [stat so that we would hopefully have results by the end of the day]

As we left the pediatrician's office, I just got totally overwhelmed. While the nursing was going well, it was some time on Monday that I told Jason I felt like Sadie's patterns were changing a little bit. It was getting harder to get her latched on, and I could tell she was not taking in enough milk. Factor in a decrease in her output and a definite yellow tint to her coloring, and I was most certainly concerned.

Before I went in to the doctor's office, I found myself praying that God would just really show us what is best for our sweet little girl. Even as my fourth child, I feel a little at a loss for how to best meet her feeding needs at this point.

When I realized that we were going to have to introduce a bottle, I will admit that I felt like a total failure. I knew that she was going to need more than I could provide just from the breast. I also wondered if I had pushed her too hard. Had I missed the signals that she needed more than she was getting to do well?

Thankfully, J was so quick to encourage me and point me to the truth. We had called the pediatrician and requested the appointment as well as asked about her coloring and biliruben levels. We were being dilligent and responsible and watching for signs and signals that things were not just right.

I'm so glad we did take the time to go to the doctor.

About two hours later we got the call that her biliruben level had been around 18.5. Anything over 15 is concerning, so within another hour or two, the lights were here and she began her "treatment." I think she's the most precious little glow worm ever!

In addition to the lights, I started pumping immediately and we began giving her a bottle after each nursing.

I realized right away that this was the right thing, but that doesn't make it the easiest thing. She needs that milk. She wasn't getting enough from just me, and I feel terrible that it took us so long to figure it out.

I think the hardest thing for me at this point is that I've already had to come to terms with the fact that I will not be able to provide Sadie with the calories she needs from nursing. In the past 24 hours I've seen her grow more and more frustrated with nursing at each feeding. She latches and tries, but she's just not able to get the milk she needs.

So we're pumping, and giving bottles, and still trying to nurse here and there. Let me just say that none of my other kids ever took a bottle. AND this is the first time I've ever pumped. Wow. That is a seriously new experience. Sadie is certainly doing her part to make this a newborn experience that stands out from the rest!

I will keep trying and hopefully nursing can happen at a couple of feedings so that she and I still get to have that time together. I've seen so many changes in her in the past 24 hours that there's no doubt in my mind that a bottle is the best thing for her right now, BUT that doesn't necessarily make it the easiest adjustment.

There were some encouraging moments today as well. When the nurse came to check her levels this afternoon, Sadie's weight was already up two ounces from yesterday. That is huge to me! I am praying that we can get her back up to her birthweight by her two week appointment next Tuesday. If we're unable to do that, then it's likely we will have to introduce formula. While that would not be a big deal, it would be another change. Honestly, I've never been a huge fan of change. That is why I'm currently taking it one day at a time!

In addition, the nurse called shortly after five to let us know her levels came back from the lab. She is already at 13.7! They told us we could take her off the lights tonight and they will come draw more blood in the morning to make sure there's not another spike. The nurse was so encouraging and really said that the fact it dropped so drastically was due to our dilligence to keep Sadie on the lights and our willingness to supplement with her feedings.

I am learning so much on this journey and I'm thankful for this beautiful little girl who has absolutely stolen my heart and who has pushed me to know and rest in my Heavenly Father. At this point, I just have to make it through the next hour so that I can rest and relax before dealing with tomorrow!