So long, farewell...

I've had some great posts here recently.

There was the one about Christmas day and all the excitement with the presents, and snow, and various holiday traditions.

There was the delicious recipe post with our favorite Christmas meal...incredibly rich, but worth it for one day of the year.

There was the celebration post about the three fabulous days that my husband took off from studying and just enjoyed being on vacation and with the family. Seriously, I can't remember the last time he took three days off from studying...it was glorious!

There's the hysterical post about the kids and how funny they are as they help me work out. We dropped our gym membership for various reasons, and now we all get to work out together at home. It is hysterical to see them try to do the moves and to hear their comments about them.

And there was the update about our precious Sadie and how she's finally taking a bottle in 40 minutes instead of an hour. She's growing like a weed and still absolutely loves to snuggle.

Wait? What's that? None of those made it on the blog?

Oh yeah, those are just all the fabulous posts that I've written in my head but didn't make it on the blog here in this last week or so. They've been really good...witty with lots of cute photos...I promise! Things have been a little crazy with J out of town this week and managing the house and kiddos all by myself. In the 47 minutes of the day I have to myself I've been sorting through our Christmas stuff and packing it up really well before our move in six months. And I've managed to shower...once...in the last three days.

I just thought that before 2009 is officially over, I should do a quick recap of the year. It's been kind of a wild one! So today, I'm putting off the last of the Christmas decoration clean up [I can do it tonight] and I guess the shower will have to wait until 2010 :)

In 2009...
We celebrated a pregnancy with my sister Sarah, my sister-in-law Emily, my sister-in-law Lisa, and my sister-in-law MaryJane.
We were overwhelmed when we found out Sarah would be carrying twins!
We completed our adoption paperwork and were approved through DHS as an adoptive family. We began praying for another child or a sibling set of kids with special needs that would be a good fit for our family.
We were surprised by our own positive pregnancy test.
We lost a baby.
We were surprised by another positive pregnancy test.
We spent 6 weeks on the road traveling to see family in Indiana, New Jersey, and Georgia, and we spent a month in Washington, D.C. for a conference with J.
We welcomed the Bruner twins, Brooks and Reese, and baby Mya.
Bo started reading, played soccer, and got bigger.
Ella learned all her letters, started ballet, and got bigger.
Jack learned to walk, talk, and went from a baby to a toddler. He is definitely bigger.
We found out we were having a girl.
J studied a LOT, passed the written boards, and continues to study for his oral boards.
We found out our little girl had a cyst on her lung.
We said goodbye to my Grandpa.
Sadie was born, and we found out that in addition to the cyst, we're dealing with a host of other midline issues. God answered our prayers for a special needs child; just not in the way we really imagined.
We decided to close our adoption file with the state and wait for another time to introduce more new siblings.

Certainly not an exhaustive list of the year, but we definitely had lots going on.

2010 promises to be interesting as we anticipate...
the oral boards
the end of residency
selling a house, hopefully
a move half-way across the country
a new job in a radiology fellowship
multiple surgeries for Sadie
having a kindergartener
welcoming two new cousins
a family wedding for my sister, Maggie

In short, it promises to be another year of God demonstrating his goodness to us and yet continuing to teach us how to rely on Him.

Happy new year!

And happy birthday to J's dad, grandaddy. We love you!

For the sake of comparison...

Here are a few shots of each of the other kids at one month. They were all pretty hairy!

Bo

I initially thought that Sadie's hair reminded me the most of Bo, but when I look at this picture, I am not so sure! I remember hearing that most babies start to lose their hair around 12 weeks, and I was so proud when his 12 week day came and went and he still had a full head. Fast forward to two days later when I took him out of his carseat and there was hair everywhere. Pride definitely goes before a fall. He was bald within a week...it was a big fall!

Ella

Her hair was darker than Sadie's and definitely had more curl. She never lost any of it and it just got longer and longer.

Jack

It was certainly red from the very beginning. His even fell out and I was convinced it would grow in a different color, but red it remains.

Sadie

We'll just have to see what happens with Sadie's lovely locks. I hope none of it falls out, but at least her head is a good shape, so she'd be cute even if she was bald :)

My little punk rocker

The highlight of my high school punk rock phase was getting to sing back up on a song that some friends recorded for their band's album. Rachael and I thought we were pretty cool there in the recording studio with what we thought were some pretty cool dudes. I don't think Floss sold many of those albums, but I'm pretty sure I still have an old cassette tape recording of the album and our song.

Sadie's working on her punk rock look here lately. I don't really think all that much of her hair since I see it every day, but my mom and sisters could not stop talking about it when we were on skype yesterday so I shot a couple pics.

Here she is, freshly shampooed, and totally stylin'...

Almost got a smile on this second shot.
The smiles are starting to be more frequent and more in response to me or the other kiddos.

Better run, Sadie's gearing up for the next performance of her hit single "Bottle" which will likely be followed by "Burps and Dipes"...the girl knows how to rile things up just as soon as I get the other kids settled for their rest time. Gotta love it!

White Christmas

If I'd done a letter this year...

It's icy and COLD here and the sleet is tap, tap, tapping on the window. They are saying it will be a white Christmas, but at this point, we're just glad to be bundled up inside. And we're glad to have power. The predicted power outages could make it an interesting Christmas, but we'll roll with it!

The roads are bad enough that they sent J home from work, so we're enjoying a little unexpected daddy time!

I used to send a Christmas letter in addition to our Christmas picture every year, but then one year we had a discussion about how a letter wasn't a certain someone's favorite thing. So, we opted for just a picture. Then, the last two years happened, and now I'm just glad to actually get a picture out :)

Since I have a few moments while the kids wrap gifts with J, I thought I'd post a little update on our year. The beauty of an online letter is that you get lots of pictures too!

J's had a busy year and thankfully it is his final year of his radiology residency. We're excited to finish here and head into our final year of training! J will begin a radiology fellowship in MSK radiology this summer, and the hunt for "real job" will finally begin! We are so proud of all his hard work, evidenced by his passing of the written radiology boards this year. He is continuing to work and study hard for his oral boards in May. We will all be glad when those are finished!

side note: this pic was taken hours before I went into labor. I just think it's funny to remember that moment!

This was a big year for me as I am now the mom of four children and 30! Funny, I didn't really feel old enough to be thirty until the fourth little bundle showed up. Now, I feel like I should be more like 36 :) I'm still doing lots of sewing and lots and lots of parenting as well! It's a fun season for me with the kids, and I look at them often and know that I will want these days back before too much longer!

Bo is almost five years old, and I look at him and wonder how we got here. He loves building things and his ideas for construction are awesome. He's also reading. It's pretty unbelievable to me because he rarely has trouble with a word...we're currently working on 2nd grade level readers during our school time. He's enjoyed having school one day a week with a friend this year, and he loved playing soccer in the fall. I can't even believe he will be a kindergardener next year!

Ella is all girl, and she would wear her ballet skirt every day if I would let her. She is hard at work on her letters and trying to read just like Bo, although we're not there yet! She's as attached as ever to her blanket head, but it's a good reminder to me that there's still some "little girl" left in her. They grow up so fast! The newest love of her life is Sadie and I think she would take over as the mommy if I would let her! Thankfully, she's got lots of dolls that she's able to manage as I take care of Sadie.

Jack has absolutely stolen my heart his past year. He is more precious than you can even believe! He's talking up a storm and we actually have conversations now. It's fun to see him express his opinions and communicate a little more clearly, although it's evident we are heading into the two's and he seems like he's going to be a pretty strong willed little guy. Thankfully, he's been observing the discipline of his older siblings for some time now, so he understands how it all works :) The highlight of this week is that we got a pillow for him to have in his bed and now he frequently asks to go and lay down. He certainly delights in having the same things as his older siblings!

And sweet Sadie Bess joined our family in November of this year like a breath of air straight from Heaven. She is the most precious little one month old [today] that I can even imagine and I just stare at her in wonder sometimes. In an effort to make sure that she got as much attention as possible as the fourth child, she's had some surprises for us. I am learning that I do not have the strength apart from Christ to be her mommy. I need Him in my every minute, and I trust Him, the creator of her little body, to help me know how to fight for her and how to surrender her to Him at the same time.

What a joy that we are able to celebrate the reality of a God who loved us so much that he offered up His son for our sins. Today, I am resting in the fact that I have an eternity to soak in the love of my God because of His great gift to us.

May you all enjoy God's peace and rest!

Guess who's four weeks old today?

What? How did we get here????

To celebrate Sadie's four week day, we got all dressed up and had ourselves a little photo shoot...

Sadie also decided she would sleep an eight hour stretch last night.
Cheers to you Sadie!
We are so blessed to know you and have you in our family.

The White Coat

The scene: J comes in from work and sits down to open the mail. He's wearing his white coat today because he had to do some work in the lab, and Ella studies him for a moment.

Ella: Daddy, why did the doctor give you a white coat?
J: Ella, no one gave me the coat. Daddy is a doctor.
Ella: Oh.

This conversation is hot on the heels of yesterday's discussion in the kitchen...

Ella: Daddy, are you a doctor, daddy?
J: Yes, Ella, daddy is a doctor.
Ella: Well then can you please stop my nose from running?!

Like Twins

Ella really loves it when she and Sadie can be "like twins." The similiarities most often involve hair accessories!

Headbands...

How about this adorable matching hat and clippie for Ella? A friend I grew up with sent us these, and we are loving them!

Can't get away from it.

There have been many times this year that I feel like I have lived, almost breathed in and out Psalm 139. It has been the scripture that I cannot get away from. The Word that seems to pursue me and draw me into the comfort of rest. His rest.

It was the scripture we studied in my women's Bible study the first week I was there after the miscarriage.

It was constantly on my mind and heart in the weeks that we were trying to figure out what was going on with Sadie's cyst.

It was the first scripture that I read after her birth.

And this morning, as I sat in church for the first time in several weeks, it was there once again. Living, breathing, filling me, and binding up the wounds in my heart.

There is a familiar comfort here in these words, but at the same time, they stir in me a new emotion.

God knows Sadie. He knew her in the secret place. He knit her together. He ordained every one of her days. He knows, and he knows how desperately I want to know so many things about her. I know His hand is on me and I know his knowledge is too wonderful and to lofty for me to attain.

Psalm 139:1-18, 23-24

O LORD, you have searched me

and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

May you experience God's peace as you celebrate this last week of Advent.

TGIF?

There was a country song that I used to love...

How do I get there from here?
How do I make you see?
How do I tell you what my heart's been telling me?

Right now, I feel like I'm living a slightly mixed up version of that song...

How did I get here from there?
Don't even know the day?
Just tell me honey, do you have to work today?

How is it possible that it's even Friday?

I realized on skype with my sister this morning that I look as tired as I feel. I can't blame it on Sadie because she really is sleeping like a champ [she did an almost 7 hour stretch last night...followed by a 4 hour stretch], so what is the problem? The good news is that we're stuck in the house so it doesn't really matter what I look like :)

I could have sworn it was just yesterday that we had our "school" friends over for a Christmas party, but it was actually Tuesday. I had grand plans for a big celebration, and I ended up defaulting all prep work to my friend. She so graciously brought her kids here and brought the party with her. It was a great time for the kids to play and burn off some energy with someone other than mom, and it was a great time for me to relate to an adult for a few hours!

We did some Christmas coloring and crafts...

And then we let the kids decorate and eat sugar cookies. Jack really loved the icing!

Ella was so proud of her sprinkle design and also enjoyed the icing much more than the actual eating of the cookie.

And Bo created quite a fun swirly design on his cookie.


We had a great morning and I couldn't help but feel refreshed when the kids went down for their naps. There's no substitute for good company!

I'm bummed that we have to take a little break from "school" for the month of January. It's so important that Sadie not get sick, so we're going to be laying really low until her surgery January 27th. That is a little earlier than we initially scheduled the surgery, but they were able to change it for us when we realized we'd scheduled closer to Sadie's 11 week mark instead of at 9 weeks like we planned. I'm just thankful that it eliminates an extra two weeks of our quarantine.

I can't even think about the fact that our surgery date is currently less than six weeks away.
Too. much. Too. much.

Some days I let her do her own hair!

Ballet Recital

Monday was Ella's last ballet class of the year and all the parents were invited to come into the class and observe some dances the girls prepared. I was really excited to see Ella dance, and I really wanted her to feel like it was a special afternoon for her.

After several unsuccessful attempts to secure a babysitter for the hour of her class, I resolved that it would just have to be all of us attending the class. It was my first time out with all four kids all by myself. I was really hesitant to take Sadie out because an infection could be a real disaster at this point, but I decided it wasn't worth missing the class.

And so we all bundled up and headed out into the frigid cold for a little ballet recital and Christmas party. Sadie stayed wrapped up in the Moby in hopes that any germs we encountered wouldn't make their way in there.

Here's Ella on her butterfly waiting for the class to start. There are no words to describe how precious she looks to me in this picture. And when did she turn 8 anyways?

The class did several dances to Christmas music, and I asked Ella which was her favorite. She said that she liked it best when she got to pretend to be a reindeer and jump over the house. I love this shot of her just after she got her antlers. Notice how all the other girls are in a line waiting for their turn. Ella capitalized on a moment to make sure she was looking fine in the mirror. Love it!

Here she's preparing to take flight:

And the only way I could get a picture of her jumping was in the mirror. I thought I'd captured this moment of video, but I only took a picture. I think watching her jump the hoop was my favorite moment of the class!

The boys were entertained...sort of...Bo spent most of the hour texting on my phone, and Jack chewed on the camera case, climbed in and out of chairs, and ate a stick and a half of gum one tiny piece at a time! I have to say, they were mostly quiet and stayed off to the side, so I decided it was a success!

All done, and all smiles!

The class seems much bigger than this when they are all spread around the room, but seeing them together makes me realize it's not as big a group as I thought.

The kids were especially excited about the party afterwards and they all stood and ate and had a great time.

All in all, I was glad that we were all able to go. I think it was good for Bo to sit and watch Ella and support her. We actually had a talk on the way there about being encouraging and quiet during her class. I reminded both the boys that it was going to be very important that they listen and obey and sit in their chairs. At one quiet moment during the glass Bo shouted, "woo-hoo, go Ella!" and then told me he was doing a great job encouraging her. The boy certainly does not lack self confidence!

And for the grandparents, I'm including a short video. I have quite a few of them, but I thought it was easiest to find Ella in this one. The girls were pretending they were playing in the snow, and they had a whole routine of things that they were going through...

Three, two, one

Is it even possible that it's been three weeks since Sadie joined our family? I can hardly even process the fact that it's been that long. And then, on the other hand, it feels as if I have known Sadie for an eternity! Could she be more precious?


She's still eating well with the bottle, although the feedings are a lengthy process. I swear sometimes I can hear her growing if things get quiet enough, which they rarely do! I love the way she nuzzles into my neck and she makes this little noise almost like a pony. It's the most precious little neigh ever.

It's hard to believe that two weeks ago I celebrated my 30th birthday. J and I always said that we would love to have four kids before we were 30. I guess we barely made it on that one! I really think it goes down as one of the best birthdays ever. Never thought I would take my 6 day old in for a surgery consult on my birthday, but it seemed like a fitting way to celebrate that day.

All the birthday bling helped make my birthday more fabulous as well. J gave me the most beautiful birthstone ring. It's something I will treasure and love and I started crying as soon as I saw it. I got even more emotional when J told me he chose my birthstone because he felt it was a ring that I could pass on to Sadie one day. Whew, makes me cry all over again just thinking about it!

And my fabulous brother and sisters teamed up and got me a fabulous necklace with an initial charm for each of the kids. I absolutely love it and I wear it most days, even though I'm not leaving the house!

And it was one week ago that I got the call from DHS. Yep, you guessed it. The "by the way we have a four year old and two year old sibling set of boys who need a home and the caseworker felt you were the best match for them" call. J and I had a little date to process everything and make some decisions about the matter. We decided to see the movie Blindside first...a fabulous movie but not the best to see just before a discussion about adopting kids from the foster system. We ultimately decided that now is not the time to add two more special needs kids to our family. It was a gut wrenching decision to say the least and I've been fairly emotional about the thought of it. I'm not even sure that I can write any more about it because I'm still processing how I feel about the whole thing. Most days I feel like there are a lot of things that go on my list of questions, but nothing seems to be happening on my list of answers...

And today,
I'm thankful that I had a dear friend come over this morning and let her kids occupy my kids for a couple of hours...more to come on that...
I'm thankful for the dinner that has already been dropped off and looks absolutely delicious! All I have to do is heat things up when we're ready to eat and we have a fabulous meal.
I'm aching to be near family and enjoy this holiday season with them.
I had a salad for lunch in hopes of working on getting some of this baby weight off, but I'm wondering if having a cookie with the salad negates that attempt!