Can't get away from it.

There have been many times this year that I feel like I have lived, almost breathed in and out Psalm 139. It has been the scripture that I cannot get away from. The Word that seems to pursue me and draw me into the comfort of rest. His rest.

It was the scripture we studied in my women's Bible study the first week I was there after the miscarriage.

It was constantly on my mind and heart in the weeks that we were trying to figure out what was going on with Sadie's cyst.

It was the first scripture that I read after her birth.

And this morning, as I sat in church for the first time in several weeks, it was there once again. Living, breathing, filling me, and binding up the wounds in my heart.

There is a familiar comfort here in these words, but at the same time, they stir in me a new emotion.

God knows Sadie. He knew her in the secret place. He knit her together. He ordained every one of her days. He knows, and he knows how desperately I want to know so many things about her. I know His hand is on me and I know his knowledge is too wonderful and to lofty for me to attain.

Psalm 139:1-18, 23-24

O LORD, you have searched me

and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

May you experience God's peace as you celebrate this last week of Advent.